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I don't love you
I'm not sure whether I can
I'm warmed by all of your beauty
But this is as close as I'll stand

Just an arm's length away
Our hands ready to touch
I smile looking into your eyes
But my heart hesitates and whispers 
"this may be too much"

So I withdraw and recede
Pulling back like the waters of the tide
I leave the shores of what we can be barren
Within the unborn crests of the churning ocean of my soul 
I hide

Impatience

I feel within  me
the urge to say 
words which this being can't seem to contain

A restless breeze rustles and swirls
tangles and curls
the chords that connect to my mind and my voice

Yet I restrain myself
for fear and doubt
stand on the scale with courage and faith
caution and the past asks me to wait

Passion and reason
dance within me  to see who may endure
what race is this? 
my soul meditates whilst all this goes on
time passes and this impatience 
seems like a thirst that cannot be quenched

For two souls have been introduced
and two minds have met
but my heart knows not hers
and I will dare not suppose 

Thus what is left
but for the unknown to brought to life
for the chains to be cast off
for this emotion to once again know
anothers light 

I Let Her Go

I have her
or have I
my eyes closed
and my soul it knows
my heart has it's doubts
but hopes despite the dark clouds
that once were around

she is not mine to possess
with her I've been blessed

I can trust to let go
let faith guide
and God being in my soul will show

I can trust this world to show
the universe knows

with her it's effortless
being just flows

I have fears
But I care

I let her go

Of the Night and Her

She didn’t see the men in front of her who were waiting.

They didn’t matter yet, or that was that she let them believe.

The flow of her walk exuded a sensuality that set the tone for the night, 

for when they looked at her they saw not a dancer 

but a goddess of her own body, her own being.

And they were weak as soon as they rest their eyes upon her,

she had control, 

and she was completely clothed

.....…..almost.

She was of East Indian decent, about 5’ 4”, 

her make-up already on but for the night it was simple: 

dark mascara around her eyes, 

and lipstick which was the colour of a rosé wine. 

On her face she wore no smile, no emotion for that matter.  

Her hair was shoulder length, black with hints of brown. 

The fragrance of her perfume was strong, but enchanting, 

following her and dancing around her like a spirit from her body, 

enticing, 

seductive,

perfect.

What she wore when she came in was all black to her brown complexion. 

A loose t-shirt that hung from one shoulder and she wore no bra, 

for I could have seen the form of her nipples in the way it rested upon her chest.

Her arms were strong, yet her hands seemed gentle in the way she held her handbag.

Moving down her torso, I could see the tone of her muscles, 

no fat on her tummy and when she turned around her top was short,

revealing two dimples on her lower back. 

She wore black leggings which seemed to reflect the light around 

with ever step she made. 

All the muscles of her thighs, 

her buttocks, 

her calves were also very well toned, 

as good as any dancers',

smooth graceful curves.

The slippers on her feet were also black, and her toes were polished with the same cream pink cutex I saw on her hands. 

All of this I saw, and I observed.

Never had I seen a woman like this, 

but she had so many parts of ones that I’d known before.

The goddess of her temple, 

divine and human, 

yet, I knew she had a past, all of us do. 

And I was curious to know, 

but I could not take the risk to pursue

……..or could I?  

Sometimes

In life

we are called upon by internal or external circumstance

to confront

our demons

to

exorcise them

and 

cut them

from our existence

in ways that we may deem right

sometimes we push people away

                                                   because after a time of blind faith

                                                                                                    we suddenly see them for who they are

                                         and we run 

                                                 to save

                                           ourselves

perhaps there may be something wrong with them and ourselves

                                                             sometimes it may just be us 

                                                                      that we need to fix

                                                   and we cut ties 

                                                        to save them

we're not all brave to stand and fight

or to have the clarity of faith and wisdom to remain

 and heal ourselves 

even whilst trying to heal others

but 

in truth

that time of separation 

seeks to bring to us

strength

courage

understanding

      and faith

I have realised that is it at this time that

                                                          the universe

sometimes finds a way of returning us to those we cut away

              because the healing process is not complete until we encounter them again

or maybe we don't need them to heal, perhaps all we need is time

                                         and to forgive ourselves 

                                                                           and let them go

                                              in unconditional love 

I don't know really

I just write what I experience

Run!

one step 
to two
walking
at a pace to a jog


breathe in from the mouth
out through the nose
building a rhythm
left to right leg


moving right to left arm
twist
shoulders
propel
torso
pelvis hips
land
impact
energy 
propel
lift off
push jog


flow
breathe bro
breathe
in through the nose


legs hurt
deep breath
air 
oxygen
fat the fuel
electric the fire
combusting muscular
heart pumping
harder harder


sweat running
as fast as my legs
the water
the salt
throat dry
swallow 
saliva
the hydrator


the lights flying by
people
running walking talking
past me, opposite me
slowing down
focus bro
almost there


the pain
the cramps
all in the mind
just in your mind
let go
lift your legs
let go
open your mind
open your heart
open your soul
to the energy within an around


you're almost back to where you've started
the end is where you begin
to see
you can make one more
when you do that
you know you can go three

Your Love

It is the light

Cutting through the darkness

The warmth and comfort

When the weather storms and the rain so cold

It is the forgiveness

When all seek to condemn

It is the sheath o'er the blade

And the support when all else falls away

It is the undying faith

When the mind can no longer think

and mine eyes no longer see

It is the science, the magic,

the spiritual, the prayer

Cosmic, eternal and beautiful, unconditional

and in this short life so rare

Circle, Cycle, Chains

It seems I'm in an infinite loop
Going in cirles in my mind
Although I know you're poison
I still search for you to find


A hope that you could give back
what I allowed you to take away
But in my heart
It can never return
I don't have the faith you can change


Yet why is it so hard to bleed you out
get you out of my veins
You're a stain on my soul
A scar on my heart
this cycle goes round, again and again


I'm so scared to have love now
but I must gather the strength to move on
to shatter these chains ingrained in my being
to lift myself out of this hole
to have faith, to be strong once more

Just Words

Such a smile to fool the world
Underneath it all
in the depths you hide
The pain, stained from so many years
Snuffing away the love
the light inside

All I had wasn't strong enough to remain
I held you and you cut me all the same
Bleeding out heart and soul
All I am flooding the floor
In awe
and shock
there was nothing left anymore

I smell your perfume
and feel your presence
Still on somedays
My scars speak to remind me
I need to love you
to free myself
to walk away

mere dil

my soul soars the night sky
underneath the moon and stars
searching with my heart
to see where you are

the wind is cold
but this feeling inside won't die
I float and flow through the air
flickering and fleeting lights my guide

I can't stop to rest
for the moments  to you are nearing
Pushing past the wear my wings are feeling
I will embrace you with them
when our lips meet and
I smell the sweetness of the air you're breathing

Rose Blur

this is a result of a glass of Rosé and listening to Incubus- Pantomime: Rose Blur

Why capoeira?

Martial arts has always been a practice I have wanted to have in my life since it was a boy.
As like any kid in the 80's I grew up watching Bruce Lee, 
and even had a book about him in my house.


For me he was the epitamy of martial arts back then and still is for me now.
The embodiment of philosophy in action.


When became a teenager I was exposed to karate in secondary school 
and although my friends showed me what they learnt,
it didn't resonate with me.  


One thing did come back to me in those teenage years though,  it was seeing capoeira on Sesame Street and in a movie called "Only the Strong" with Mark Dacascos.
A combination of acrobatics melded with kicks and other strikes seemed to be fun. 
But with this art, looks were deceiving.


Alas, it was a chance enounter with a very great friend of mine Velho (who I consider to be one of my big brothers) that brought me to capoeira.
He came back from abroad and always encouraged me to come to the classes in Cascade, which was a mountain ridge away from where I lived.
But my career at the time in advertising didn't permit.
That was a lie though, I didn't make the time to permit myself to explore this dream.


When I changed jobs and went into education, 
I carried with me 40lbs which I gained over the 2 1/2 years there.


I had to make a change but this was not a change to just lose weight, but to balance mind body and spirit and master emotion.


And when I started my classes, our teacher Azulao taught and guided us to that.


I discovered that this martial art involved the balance of the enitre human body. Which required strength, agility, flexibility, endurance and being mentally tough.
For you use your entire body to do the movements: a kick was not simply your leg doing a strike- it was your leg moving to strike, the other leg pivoting and balancing 
and your torso and upper body turning to unleash the energy giving you the momentum to send your foot into the space behind your opponent 
with your arms up to defending at the same time. 


Also our movement was rhythmic and circular enabling us to dodge and evade strikes, while simultaneously moving into counterstrike at the same time.


Tranference from potential energy to kinnetic energy with control of not only mind and heart but through the harmony of these with your soul is what the art was about.


If I were to go a bit deeper into it, this was an exercise of being. Seeing the strike and yet the moves yet to be made all in the same moment.


Knowing and being resolute in action for offence, to defend and in doing so calling all the elements of the self into one to make it possible.


This is capoeira, this is martial arts, but by extension isn't this also life? 


We do (should be doing) this for ourselves, our families, our principles, for one another. 


Thus martial arts becomes the art of life. 


And in my life I made a promise to myself to do the things that resonated with my soul, 
I will continue to paint, write, draw, play music and sing.
And now to add to this Capoeira is now one of these things, a point of resonance, for the art of life. 

Coincidence and Confluence

God does not believe in coincidences.

As such our lives are influenced by the confluences of our beings:
Our direct and indirect actions and interactions with each other and ourselves.

The more positively we give to the world, the better it will become.
Give and give with love, never with fear.
Fear begets a vicious cycle and a downward spiral.
And although the ideal would be for it not to exist, it is as a
challenge for us to become more than we are, to edify our souls, and
grow as beings of life.

If there weren't any darkness, how would we be able to truly
appreciate the benefit and beauty of the light.

And if there weren't any light, how would we be able to understand the
solitude of the void that is the dark.