Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Swallow


He tried to save it but knew he could not. Sitting in the living room he heard the fearful shriek and near resounding thud of the bird's body on the gallery floor.

With a start, he rose to his feet looking with a question in mind, trying to hide what he knew had happened, with a shroud of denial. Then he saw the swallow on the ground. It was near lifeless, yet breathing "Yes there still may be a chance!"

The thought of God was in his mind, so with this faith, he gently picked up the bird and set out to do what naturally came to him. To care. For this was the fire which drove his being, his philosophy, his truth.

Quickly, with the bird in both hands, he went to the sink. Turning the tap to a mere trickle, he allowed the water to run slowly, in the hope that the bird would drink to ease its shock of falling out of his nest.

Putting its beak near the outflow, the young man waited within himself to see if the bird would take. Seconds seemed like hours as he held a steady hand and eye. Then with the blink of its eye, the bird finally turned his head and began to sip.

Hope ignited in his heart as the swallow did this. Then when it had drank enough, he took a small basket from his mother's room, placed a pink rag in it and laid the bird there, that it may have rested and recovered.

He placed the basket on the table in front of him and then sat on the couch looking, and observing to see what would happen. But without warning the bird of black and white began to breathe rapidly, quivering each time it exhaled.

The young man now knelt behind the table, holding the basket not wanting to believe what he was seeing. Then a calm came over the room, and with this the bird's breathing slowed. And with each delay of exhale, he could feel an immense void threatening to envelop his heart.

With one last breath , the little bird left it's body in a ray of splendor unseen by the heartbroken boy in his sadness. The basket was placed back on the table and now his hands covered his face trying in vain to hold back the tidal wave of emotion he had held in his being for so long.

But no longer could it be restrained by the chains of his anger or jealousy, which he had built like a great wall around his heart. For now the facade was shattered, and his sorrow echoed silently as his tears soaked his entire world.

So many a time we try to hide in the world, living on our virtues and not realizing our fallibility. Yet we are brought to humility not by a multitude, but in fact by one minute bird, sent in the end to set us free. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I Dive, I Dive

There seems to be no right or wrong
My brain is like the muddled water in a disturbed pond
I seek a closure
From this exposure
Some form of understanding 
From this doubt demanding
While my heart stays numb
And my soul in tears


I put so much hope into us
and the bliss dissipates to ashes and dust
Maybe I thought you could understand me
And teach me what it means to love
Maybe I hoped that you could forgive me
and help me to leave my past behind and rise above


I fought so much of my confusion for so long
To keep my heart unaffected and remain
But words cut like a blade
With my memory stained
I became defeated by you
Feeling imperfect, unforgiven and worthless 
how could I hope to stay
how could I hope to stay


But I'm still here
Drenched in the memory of you
Soaked to the bone
My heart and my soul yearn for you
I have made you all I know
My thoughts of you are all I know
I have no comfort in anything
No solace to find
I'm spiralling and losing myself
Why did this go wrong?
Why am I wrong?
Why am I alive?
Defeated
I dive
I dive
I hope one day you can understand
I hope I can live and survive
Dive, Defeated, Die?
or
Live, Love, Endure, Survive.....

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

only so much

There is only so much that the heart and soul can go on bleeding
There is only so much that the body can go on needing
The mind then overcomes desire and the memory of rapture fades
A lover no longer loving, forces the other to fall away

Logic spiraling downwards
Karmic reactions pervade
The pebble into the pond of life
It’s ripples are tidal waves you can’t escape

The depths of ourselves  have been shaken
And neither of us could comprehend
How could we do this to each other
Our truths were not our friends

There’s a chasm created
And a hole in our souls survives
Could god bless us with understanding?
Could we one day become wise?

The confusion of it all has hurt us
We did not mean for each other to feel this pain
But being true to ourselves is important
That’s why I could no longer bleed and remain

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Poui in Bloom



Poui in bloom,
Pink and yellow flowers scattered in the breeze,
In my memory I am searching for you,
But you fly away like the blossoms of these trees

You were there with me at my side
Just a short time before
You held me close and kissed me dearly
But you don’t any more

You say that I’m too attached
And that my affection pushes you away
But I keep giving though I don’t receive
The depth of my pain grows with each day

I’m numb now, and it feels like we’ve grown apart
You fade more and more each day
And so I see the fractures in my breaking heart

You’re not the same person I first kissed
There is only emptiness where there should be bliss
I’ve lost the love who held me at first sight
I’ve lost the promise you gave me with your eyes


the view from my heart

People may speak about their first love or their second or their last
but I prefer to look upon each love as a love unto itself
unique in itself
having no comparison
no equal and no other
they are the only eternities we have in our mortal lives
for they touch through our hearts to the depths of our immortal souls

within from without


This poison within has festered from without
Now it borrows deeply coursing through the veins of my soul
I’ve changed my mind many a time
But never in my life have I been as lost as this
I’m adrift without a sail, without a rudder
Just holding onto my heart and my soul
Up and down I go
I just want to catch my falling self
Up and down I go
This turbulence of being
This turbulence of stress
Looking within, I say let it go
Praying within, I say let it flow
Crying within, I see the cracks
Bleeding within, I know I can never go back
I can never go back to the man I once was
I need to walk forward to the man I must become

Monday, January 17, 2011

Eyes Can Speak

If only eyes could speak
The truth it would reveal of our hearts
When your gaze met mine
Our souls entwined in our thoughts